I've never really felt apathetic until lately. Maybe it's because I've realized that everything works in unison; that I conform to the same schedule and that the sky doesn't look so spectacular from where I stand. I've tried to view it from different angles, but when nothing seems to change, you finally understand that everything is the same regardless of how you try to percieve it.

- Anonymous, writesomething.net

 I'm happy because you've noticed my hair. Actually it was wet but not as much as yours. But enough to made me smiling all the time... And the shoes...did you know I have only one pair - did you notice? I mean, they are very old. I just cannot throw them away. I clean them twice a day. Every day. With rose oil and gentle silky powder. Sorry for being clumsy - it took time for me to realise you are so skillful in pouring coffee into the cups. You surprised me, really. The way you pour it quickly, with so intensive movements and easily. So convenient. I admired.

- Anonymous, writesomething.net
 
Whatever I think of, it's always too ambitious. But I think that that's just how it's gonna be with me.

- Anonymous, writesomething.net

:)

"If there were things more grand than love, then why does my heart smile so?"

I'm not one to talk about this on a public site, more that I discuss with my friends on IM or muddle over with myself, but...

I'm very annoyed at the amount of intolerance in my school. I'm not perfect either, but at least I'm pretty open-minded and don't make fun of people to their faces. And by make fun of, I mean yell at and make them cry. What the fuck.

Racism. I formally applaud Mrs. Bostic because she made an actual speech about it, because I have had it up to here with the amount of racism in my school. Racism and homophobia, really. On the bus, for the most part, the people utterly piss me off. Not only am I sick of their childish screaming and throwing things around, but I am also sick of them harassing other people (including me).

There's this kid that sits in the seat behind me or next to me, I can't really tell, and I've been hearing people really bug him around this week, making fun of how HE lives and how HE chooses to spend his free time and what movies and shows HE watches. And for all I've been hearing, he seems like a nice kid. Sixth grader, watches Animal Planet, doesn't watch rated R movies, buckles his seat belt on the bus (which I humbly applaud for, because I freak out about getting in to a bus accident all the time and even I don't buckle my seat belt, doesn't lie to his parents, etc. etc. I've been hearing the boys on the bus really harassing him, nagging him about the stuff he does and making fun of him, which isn't funny at all. I was just listening to this guy nag him about the movies he watches this morning, and I'm really getting fed up with it. I'm going to tell them to lay off him sooner or later, because honestly, that kid doesn't deserve it.

I want to say that the people that do this stuff are only sixth graders, but I can't. Eighth graders, too. It's really not that funny.

I hear the people on my bus call me names behind my back and to my face, but I ignore them. It makes me angry, but I really think it's easier for me if I just don't tell them off and get in trouble doing it. Same way in Chorus, when Jared is waving his ass in my face and I am getting pretty pissed off, or the guys/girls in the class are being totally disruptive of Ms. Soria's teaching.

Changing subjects for a second here, I'm completely appalled by the way my classmates in Chorus act as well. It's not funny when they're talking during a song, it's not funny when they get up to bang on the piano, it's not funny when they erase the board and write their own things (okay, Holiday Cancer was a little funny, I admit it).

A girl named Erica Rasso was crying in class a few days ago. I don't like her at all, because I know her to be a nasty and catty person, but I'm speaking on this with a neutral point of view. She was crying about how "she wanted to be a singer so badly but she couldn't because she was stuck in suck a crappy chorus". What the hell? She's not contributing to making the chorus better at all, she talks during the songs and walks around, bangs on the piano and draws on the board, she didn't try out for All-State nor did she go to Solo and Ensemble. Now, I'm thinking here that if she wanted to be a singer so badly, she sure as hell should have tried a little better. She's not allowed to blame Ms. Soria because she's trying her best as a new teacher, but she's totally welcome to blame her classmates (whom she enjoys talking with so much during the songs). Honey, you're not going to become a good singer unless you actually try at it.

I know I mentioned this a few entries back, but one of the kids took out a lighter in class and actually lit it, to which I told the teacher and got him in trouble. And then they preach to me that it was morally wrong to report him to the teacher, what what? Excuse me, but my morals are different from yours, thanks.

Anyway, I'm turning this journal more into a talk with myself, so I'll get back to what I was talking about before. So the amount of racism is abysmal in my school, but also I am horrified at the amount of homophobia.

When one of your good friends comes up to you and says, "I think all gays should go to hell", it hurts. A lot.

A few weeks back, I was pretty moody but I didn't really mention a reason for it, if I can remember right. Now what happened was this: one of my friends, not mentioning names, was talking to me as we were walking to Science class, and she was telling me about one of her dreams. She told me about this conversation that went on between her mom and a kid in her dream, and the kid was asking her mom where they were going for a vacation. She tells me that the kid tells her mom not to go out at all during "Support Gays" day, and her mom replying with a nod and that they would just stay in their hotel for the entire day.

What? I was pretty pissed off from this, and I tell my other friend about it and how mad I was, and then she goes, "Get over your silly little phase already". I was pretty depressed over this for a day or two until they apologized, but just recently in Language class, my friend comes up to me laughing and tells me that Roger was saying that "all gays should cease to exist". Thanks. I'll stop existing so you can live comfortably in your straight-filled world.

I'm bisexual, and it really hurts when I hear people making fun of gay people or just insulting them altogether. And then they wonder why I'm not laughing when they tell me their jokes.

I'm just a bit irked that these overly religious people feel the right to tell me that "HOMOSEXUALITY IS A FUCKING SIN AND YOU WILL GO TO HELL SNARF SNARF" in my face. Wow. I'm sorry, can you get out of my face? I know it's not as bad here as it is in the countries where homosexuals can be put to death for their sexual orientation, but I'm still pretty damn pissed off that these people have the nerve to tell me how to act, who to love, how to live my life.

I'm a bit surprised that Alek didn't make fun of me being so pissed off at this, he has some pretty good points that he brought up while the rest of my friends are being plain idiots in my face. For that, I respect him so much more.

I've lost my train of thought, so I'll write more as it comes to me. Just a little thinking that I had to get out in the open.