"If there were things more grand than love, then why does my heart smile so?"

I'm not one to talk about this on a public site, more that I discuss with my friends on IM or muddle over with myself, but...

I'm very annoyed at the amount of intolerance in my school. I'm not perfect either, but at least I'm pretty open-minded and don't make fun of people to their faces. And by make fun of, I mean yell at and make them cry. What the fuck.

Racism. I formally applaud Mrs. Bostic because she made an actual speech about it, because I have had it up to here with the amount of racism in my school. Racism and homophobia, really. On the bus, for the most part, the people utterly piss me off. Not only am I sick of their childish screaming and throwing things around, but I am also sick of them harassing other people (including me).

There's this kid that sits in the seat behind me or next to me, I can't really tell, and I've been hearing people really bug him around this week, making fun of how HE lives and how HE chooses to spend his free time and what movies and shows HE watches. And for all I've been hearing, he seems like a nice kid. Sixth grader, watches Animal Planet, doesn't watch rated R movies, buckles his seat belt on the bus (which I humbly applaud for, because I freak out about getting in to a bus accident all the time and even I don't buckle my seat belt, doesn't lie to his parents, etc. etc. I've been hearing the boys on the bus really harassing him, nagging him about the stuff he does and making fun of him, which isn't funny at all. I was just listening to this guy nag him about the movies he watches this morning, and I'm really getting fed up with it. I'm going to tell them to lay off him sooner or later, because honestly, that kid doesn't deserve it.

I want to say that the people that do this stuff are only sixth graders, but I can't. Eighth graders, too. It's really not that funny.

I hear the people on my bus call me names behind my back and to my face, but I ignore them. It makes me angry, but I really think it's easier for me if I just don't tell them off and get in trouble doing it. Same way in Chorus, when Jared is waving his ass in my face and I am getting pretty pissed off, or the guys/girls in the class are being totally disruptive of Ms. Soria's teaching.

Changing subjects for a second here, I'm completely appalled by the way my classmates in Chorus act as well. It's not funny when they're talking during a song, it's not funny when they get up to bang on the piano, it's not funny when they erase the board and write their own things (okay, Holiday Cancer was a little funny, I admit it).

A girl named Erica Rasso was crying in class a few days ago. I don't like her at all, because I know her to be a nasty and catty person, but I'm speaking on this with a neutral point of view. She was crying about how "she wanted to be a singer so badly but she couldn't because she was stuck in suck a crappy chorus". What the hell? She's not contributing to making the chorus better at all, she talks during the songs and walks around, bangs on the piano and draws on the board, she didn't try out for All-State nor did she go to Solo and Ensemble. Now, I'm thinking here that if she wanted to be a singer so badly, she sure as hell should have tried a little better. She's not allowed to blame Ms. Soria because she's trying her best as a new teacher, but she's totally welcome to blame her classmates (whom she enjoys talking with so much during the songs). Honey, you're not going to become a good singer unless you actually try at it.

I know I mentioned this a few entries back, but one of the kids took out a lighter in class and actually lit it, to which I told the teacher and got him in trouble. And then they preach to me that it was morally wrong to report him to the teacher, what what? Excuse me, but my morals are different from yours, thanks.

Anyway, I'm turning this journal more into a talk with myself, so I'll get back to what I was talking about before. So the amount of racism is abysmal in my school, but also I am horrified at the amount of homophobia.

When one of your good friends comes up to you and says, "I think all gays should go to hell", it hurts. A lot.

A few weeks back, I was pretty moody but I didn't really mention a reason for it, if I can remember right. Now what happened was this: one of my friends, not mentioning names, was talking to me as we were walking to Science class, and she was telling me about one of her dreams. She told me about this conversation that went on between her mom and a kid in her dream, and the kid was asking her mom where they were going for a vacation. She tells me that the kid tells her mom not to go out at all during "Support Gays" day, and her mom replying with a nod and that they would just stay in their hotel for the entire day.

What? I was pretty pissed off from this, and I tell my other friend about it and how mad I was, and then she goes, "Get over your silly little phase already". I was pretty depressed over this for a day or two until they apologized, but just recently in Language class, my friend comes up to me laughing and tells me that Roger was saying that "all gays should cease to exist". Thanks. I'll stop existing so you can live comfortably in your straight-filled world.

I'm bisexual, and it really hurts when I hear people making fun of gay people or just insulting them altogether. And then they wonder why I'm not laughing when they tell me their jokes.

I'm just a bit irked that these overly religious people feel the right to tell me that "HOMOSEXUALITY IS A FUCKING SIN AND YOU WILL GO TO HELL SNARF SNARF" in my face. Wow. I'm sorry, can you get out of my face? I know it's not as bad here as it is in the countries where homosexuals can be put to death for their sexual orientation, but I'm still pretty damn pissed off that these people have the nerve to tell me how to act, who to love, how to live my life.

I'm a bit surprised that Alek didn't make fun of me being so pissed off at this, he has some pretty good points that he brought up while the rest of my friends are being plain idiots in my face. For that, I respect him so much more.

I've lost my train of thought, so I'll write more as it comes to me. Just a little thinking that I had to get out in the open.

mood	♥	contemplative
music	♥	shiina ringo - koufukuron

...I am not as happy as I should be this holiday season. Which is kind of sad, I think, since I really have nothing to be sad about. My dad got me a portable DVD player (which ROCKS, by the way), mp3 player, a few new DVDs, two games, and he's going to buy me a new mat and DDR game since my brother broke my old one. Completely. Even the $30 mat. :S Friends have been great, I love you all for sending me SS gifts and I'm sorry that the best I can do right now is keep on promising you pictures that I may not get to in a long time. All of you guys that are sending me gifts IRL, you're totally awesome and I swear I am going to get those boxes so I can mail your presents out before Christmas.

I also made it to All-State and am staying in at least a four-star hotel which the school is paying for in Tampa. Which should be awesome. (We usually stay in Days Inn or Quality Inn, haha) I'm going to sing at the Mariott Waterfront in Tampa along with all of the other people that were selected, yay!

I'm not having too much of a good day so far, though, since I poked myself twice last night making my car and today it doesn't even run, and my index finger joint and middle finger are really sore right now (where I poked them). My thumb also hurts because the nail pulled away from the skin a bit. :( Ugh. To sum it all up, I'm very, very tired and very, very bored.

I'm also annoyed that people keep bugging me in Chorus and taking my stuff. Someone moved my umbrella where it was drying on the ground (ugh) while I was in the chorus practice room for All-State, and then Alyssa and Jared came in the damn room and soon they invited everyone else in. Ms. Soria finally kicked them out a while after, but it's really annoying when you've got around five people banging on the piano while you're trying to sing. :S Ugh. After we kicked them out, Kimberly told me that they were writing stupid stuff on the board and making snarky comments (not that I care, really). I really can't stand the childish behavior of my class, it's just not funny, and I feel bad for Ms. Soria for having to put up with it.

Science was nice, though. Alek makes me laugh, which is good. We were testing out our cars before class and Alek pulls his car out of his locker and goes, "HERE COMES THE SHITMOBILE!" It wasn't that funny, but it really did cheer me up a bit. I wasn't having that much of a great morning, my fingers were sore as heck from stabbing them in multiple places and Jasmine wouldn't carry my car in her plastic bag even though I was carrying an open umbrella in one hand and juggling around books in the other hand all while trying not to squish my car. :S I probably have to completely rebuild it, anyway. But geez, I would have carried her car for her if I had a plastic bag and she didn't.

So I was testing my car out in Science, anyway, and I had just made an idiot out of myself because my car wouldn't run at all even though it worked fine at home. And then Javier brings his car over and Alek goes, "It's the beanermobile!!1" which made me fall over laughing. Aha, Science was a pretty nice contrast from the blah classes I had in the morning.

We didn't have to dress out in Gym, so I finished my History study guide and drew some pictures, yaya. (Did I mention it was heavily pouring this morning? Not so fun when you're wearing shoes that soak through easily and carrying a ton of stuff. My bus was late, too, so I got there a minute or two before the bell rang. At least they announced my bus number on the intercom so I wasn't late to class.)

Today was essentially a horrible day, but at least I found the movie that I've been looking for. Neko has a day off today so we might RP later, not sure. New entry in a sec.

mood	♥	blah
music	♥	Shiina Ringo - Koufukuron

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rocket_Man_%28film%29

I figured out the name of the movie! I remember seeing this a few years ago and I LOVED it, but I couldn't figure out the name. Now i have to see it again and either think of how stupid I was a few years ago to actually like this movie or love it again. XD

*posts it here in case she forgets it again*

(p.s. If anyone has any Shiina Ringo mp3s, send to me please? :( Other than Koufukuron, which I have been listening to for the past week straight. <33)

mood	♥	happy
music	♥	Happiness Theory